Sunday, January 12, 2014

Interstitial spaces

I started to write about my date last night when I got home and then deleted it. I didn't know what to say.

It was a wonderful date, in a fancy restaurant, the bill must have cost a fortune. I ordered the cheapest glass of wine I could find to try and keep costs down. I shouldn't have ordered anything but for some reason people seem to feel weird when they get wine and you don't. He wondered if we should get a bottle and I said "I have a confession - I don't really drink wine. Or anything, it's just not big on my list. I have no idea what "Riesling" or "Pinot Noir" even means. So I'll get a glass to enjoy tonight but no bottle is necessary and it's not something I need to have at every meal."

He said he wanted to shut down his dating profile and concentrate on only me, and it seemed okay at the time somehow, to imagine getting to know him slowly but just exploring the one thing -- all I have wanted this whole time is just one person to be crazy about and I could imagine really liking him -- but then after the date on the way home I started to cry. I cried thinking that I am not ready for this. I mourned some kind of loss last night in the car, the idea that I wouldn't be able to see my sweet cyclist or live in this weird place that I've grown to love.

So I don't know, I can't figure myself out sometimes.

(Sent from my phone)


  1. I think you wished you could be the person the guy wants to be crazy about but you know you're not.

  2. It's like you know me or something.

  3. When you're really still in love with someone else, there's no way there will be room in your heart for someone new. It'll happen; you just have to wait till you're not in love anymore. Spoken by someone who oh-so-knows.