I thought maybe I'd try to make my next post funny. Except I'm in a shitty mood and the wide array of hilarious topics at my disposal now are slack in provoking good ideas. Worthy blog fodder must either involve impromptu genital sightings or wetting your pants at work. Comedy = tragedy + time, and I'm missing the time element here, folks.
Day 1 of missing him I almost adopted a 17-year old orphan.
Days 2-7 of missing him, I considered rescuing a pair of troubled parakeets, driving to California, becoming a psychotherapist, relocating, and buying a funnel cake truck. Maybe this is when I buy some cats?
Actually, you sound like you're doing well, and moving along normally.
ReplyDeleteSeven days isn't all that long.
And please don't fix the parakeets. If you need to fix birds, I've got a city full of pigeons that need to be muzzled...
Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit shit. (sigh) You made me realize I want to 'fix' DD...'cept I call it HEAL [wide eyes and great big smile] because it sounds so much better and nicer.
ReplyDeleteAnd what's with that!? BB...DD... this is just getting weird. There's something to laugh at! :D
Lemme tell ya what I learned about the whole codependency thing and hopefully save you some of the beating up of yourself that I did. Maybe you ARE codependent. Maybe I am codependent. BUT...I have come to a place of awareness about it (even though I forget to look out for it sometimes) and a place of acceptance about it. It's not all bad, there are some very positive things about us codependents. In other words, maybe there's a REASON we are the way we are and maybe it's part of what makes us beautiful. That word has taken on such a negative meaning (http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8110_cod.html).
Most people know my new favorite word is balance. There's a reason for that. Try to think of anything where balance isn't key. I think balance with codependency is key as well and I want to share something I wrote a year ago:
I think I was right in a previous post and it all boils down to acceptance. Maybe I do have certain issues because of my childhood, maybe I am insecure and need a little more reassurance from time to time, maybe I am codependent and you will never find me alone...big fucking deal. So I learn to be aware of these "issues" and of my patterns so that I don't keep repeating my unhealthy choices. Maybe I'll invent a new term like "Selectively Codependent" so that us codependents can love ourselves with our "issues" and "flaws" because there are many positives to being codependent. And the way I see it tonight, all those things I've been through...the sexual abuse, the rape(s), the abandonment, the physical, emotional, mental and financial abuse...are my scars; as big as the real one across my neck. That very visible scar has never bothered me before, has never made me feel ugly, so why would I let all my other scars define me as such? They make the story of me, they're what shaped me into the woman I am today and the woman I am yet to become. I don't need to look in the mirror and see a used, dirty, unlovable, broken little girl. I need to see one that was hurt and survived and is still beautiful.