Saturday, January 26, 2013

What helps you get closure? (A discussion)

From a discussion on Facebook:

Define closure. If you've attached to something -- a person, place, material thing or idea, what helped you leave that attachment behind & obtain closure?

"I have gotten to a place in my life where I've decided that there's no such thing....we just get to a place where we're comfortable moving on."

"Drinking to excess, hooking up with lots of random low-grade poon, and time. The last one's probably the only one that actually helped, but the first two treat the symptoms until the cure kicks in."

"For me, booze & tunes."

"I find that writing always helps me find my way. Just get out a pad and a pen and write whatever comes into your head for ten to twenty minutes every day. After a few days, maybe 4 or 5, you'll find yourself speaking to yourself more clearly through the writing. It's gotten me out of many many jams - close friends dying, losing lovers, etc."

"When the body is in the ground and I'm tossing that last shovel full of dirt over the hole."

"I started with alcohol, moved to journalling, and then time and i mean a good healthy amount of time,lol...and then one day you realize, poof, you are not as the mean time, be gentle with yourself...they are tough feelings."

"Writing a letter to that person has helped me (though I didn't send it) and also writing in my journal."

"I think "a sense of closure" is a notion invented, as a sort of utopian emotional state, to ease ourselves through tough times. If you find yourself eating food, drinking water, sleeping and occasionally enjoying the company of other people, you can learn to live with the arrow piercing your chest, awkward though it may be to wear a shirt over it."

"Time. Eventually I have a moment where I realize closure has somehow already happened. What a sneaky duck!"

"If you're looking for closure as a full set of parentheses, though (not just your half, which is the one that lets the sentence continue, like this --> ), then I have no advice for you. Sneaky ducks aren't good at grammar, I guess."

"For me it is realizing my time and energy are better spent on something else, then proving it to myself by redirecting my time and energy until I find a better focus. This is true with a job, exgirlfriend, family member, or addiction. I can't do it while standing still. Have to redirect. But that's me."


"Well for me, it depends on the attachment. Time has healed a lot of that...and the closure aspect comes from allowing myself to no longer hold onto things, objects, or people because of what I've lost and valued, but allow myself to let go to move forward. I'm about to sell/get rid of a bunch of stuff from my ex, for example, that I felt obligated to hold onto because they were valuable in 'price' alone. but the longer I am away from that caustic relationship, the more I realize, they only remind me of the past and the value is merely dollar signs at this stage of the game... nothing more."

"Roadtrip with lots of time alone to think, write, and process."

"Validation from friends and family, time, and walkabout are good for me. Also, I think something (event or action) needs to frame the closure in your mind. You forget things when you walk from room to room, because crossing that threshold moves you past thoughts in your head. Things like funerals, receiving your final divorce papers and graduations frame the closure and make it solid in your head. Conversely, if you lose your keys and never find them, or if your house burns down and they never determine the cause or if your child is kidnapped and you never learn what happened to him, you are kept from closure, because you never receive anything to frame the loss in."

"Closure is overrated: a pop psychology term. Time, and the will to move on. Whether you ever come to terms with it (i.e. "closure") or simply move past it and start dealing with the new stuff: immaterial."

"Is there such a thing as closure..I think not!! I have lost friends and family over all my years..even a dog and a horse that I cherished...I have never gotten to closure. Sure--things get better with time if you keep yourself busy...but--and here is something to contemplate...say your child is kidnapped and you do find out all the grisley you relly get is the most overused concept there is."

"Closure's overrated and sometimes even nonexistent, but the world continues to spin and the sun rises & falls regardless of whether we're ready and so we march forward calling upon whatever resources we must. I wonder how animals process stuff and cope?"

"They shake it off--literally. (Been reading a book on trauma for one of my training programs...)"

"I'm not sure I can comment on closure really although maybe I can call it non-attachment. (the Buddhist sense) And maybe sometimes it can be called evolution. LOL."

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