Friday, August 30, 2013

a few good men

The movie "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend" annoyed me all the way up until
like, five minutes before the end because the whole time I was feeling
extremely judgy at the main character. I could barely stand watching
it, I was so irritated. "BOTH DUDES are in love with you, WTF is wrong
with you leading them on like that!!" I wanted to scream. "AUGH, you
have to TALK to them!!"

But suddenly I feel like I'm going to be in a similar boat: soon I may
have to decide between some really good men:

Guy 1: Russian guy who reminds me of my ex-husband: they had similar
jobs, worked at the same place doing those same jobs, have similar
hobbies and interests and EVEN similar purple shirts. Last night, he
wrote to inform me he just adopted a ferret and I nearly died --
goodness, now they even have PETS in common. This is weirding me out.
I could fall in love with his mind because he is brilliant but I may
not be able to go there. I do, however, love his accent, Russian
accents are hot as fuck. And he has a very devoted, attentive way
about him and is totally ready to be really into me which is both
awesome and scary at the same time.

Guy 2: who is handsome, gentle and sweet and pays me a lot of
attention, which I really like. We have been emailing a lot. I met him
once in person, had a great date and then I disconnected from the
dating world for weeks (almost a month?) but he's given me space for
this. I met him the same week as the Russian. I'm seeing him for our
second date soon and really looking forward to it. He somehow always
seems to know *exactly* what to say *and* it doesn't scare me.

Those are the two major possibilities now. Then there's a couple on
the periphery:

Guy 3: Met him on the retreat but he lives far away. Still, we are now
chatting on the phone and conversation is easy. I held him at arm's
length during the retreat -- last thing I wanted was anything to
complicate my sense of peace on my vacay -- but he has a sunny
disposition and it's very enjoyable to be around him.

Guy 4: Had one date a couple years ago but after I met him, I realized
it was too soon for me to date anyone and I shut down my profile and
pushed everyone away despite liking him. Anyway, the date was pretty
great and we are reconnecting now, may meet up again.

There's further email correspondences, some of which may materialize
into meetups.

I still miss the Cyclist. I reckon I will feel this way until I start
developing feelings for someone else. I remember writing in my diary
after he first kissed me that something in me shifted and I no longer
wanted the last guy back because suddenly what was in front of me was
amazing. So hopefully that will happen again.

One of my guy friends gave me the most unhelpful advice ever a few
weeks ago (before my vacay). "You want him back?" he wrote. "Send him
a sexy photo."

"Are you freaking kidding me?" I almost wrote-yelled back. "Oh HALE
no." I don't know what planet he was from but I don't need to hop on
Spaceship Embarrassment.

The Cyclist and I do, however, have plans to hang out as friends
again. Don't yell at me, internet, I think it will be cool. I want to
see him. I think we can pull off a nice friendship as long as we don't
talk about our love lives because that's the hardest part. Telling him
about other people while thinking "yeah, they're nice... but they're
not you"... awkward.

I am enjoying being single right now though, I'm kindof having a
blast. The lack of romance coupled with potential is perfect for right

(Sent from my phone)


  1. You're in a good place now. Remember how it feels when moving forward. Inevitably your heart will choose, so let it. You'll know when it is time to shed off the others, don't sweat it in the mean time.

    Send nude photos... Really? What would be accomplished by that?

    1. I believe the specific advice was "get a sexy maid outfit, no guy can resist that" to which I replied, "are you HIGH??"

  2. Enjoy it as long as you like.
    The guys that are worthwhile will understand and hang around.
    (They may not like it, but they'll understand.)

    1. Awww thanks El Guap. Both guys seem to be extraordinarily patient and understanding.