Sunday, August 18, 2013

stigmas of dating

Why is perseverance revered everywhere but matters of the heart? "You're trying too hard," people say when they know you are looking for love. But no one would say this if you were pursuing a career. There's stigma whichever way you go.

If you find someone right away, you're settling.

If you don't, you're picky.

If you date one person at a time, you're a "serial" dater.

If you play the field, you're a "player."

If you try and it doesn't work, there's something "wrong" with you (not that you have ideals and it just takes TIME).

If you say, "I like being single," no one believes you.

If you say you are lonely, then you are desperate.

If you say you're not, you have some kind of dismissive avoidant attachment style.

If you shrug off comments, you're flippant.

If you tell people to leave you alone, you're defensive.

Can't win!


  1. People are best ignored. If you feel right about it, that's all that's important.

  2. Ditto what ElGuapo says. But easier said than done!

  3. Remember the movie from the 80's, Wargames, where Matthew Broderick hacks into the U.S. Defense's computers and accidentally almost launches our nuclear arsenal on the Soviets? There's a scene where the computer simulates every possible configuration of missiles going back and forth, and eventually learns that there is no way to win a nuclear war. "The only way to win is not to play." This post reminded me of that scene. Maybe, like the computer, you need to learn that when you apply what you perceive to be "stigmas" to dating, there are no winners.

    The moral? Play by your own rules. :)