Wednesday, August 14, 2013

more in-betweens

How honest should you be?

I'm sitting here nibbling on some chocolates the Academic surprised me with on our first date last week. He was so happy I could try his favorite chocolates and extolled their hearty deliciousness, eyes gleaming in delight as we opened the box and shared a truffle. But I hate them. On our date, he asked, "ooh, how do you like them? Aren't they delicious?"

I nodded thoughtfully while chewing.

"Very, um, sweet," I said. It was the best I could say. (But I loved the sweet gesture.)

City Guy and I text a lot now. "How's your harem?" I asked him. "Hardly," he replied, and we talked about our (lack of) love lives and giggled. Something complicated happened between us that neither of us fully understood at the time, and the door to romance slammed shut. We both got scared but it came out in different ways. Starting over slowly with a friendship has been helping to reopen the doors of trust.

I wanted to reopen doors with the Cyclist but he wasn't receptive.

So I crafted gloomily and played Adele, as one does:
Sometimes I wake up by the door
That heart you caught must be waiting for you
Even now when we're already over
I can't help myself from looking for you...
But sometimes those lines make me smile too. I loved you, I can think, and it added to me. How lucky am I.


  1. Reading this kind of ripped my heart out.

  2. Aww. I wasn't that sad writing it. What ripped your heart out? Me being (stupidly) nostalgic, or that Adele song or what? :/