Wednesday, August 28, 2013

two of me

I look into the future and I see two of me. One would maybe be over my boyfriend's house, cozily hanging out. The other me goes home to sink into the quiet of my space, alone.

We have been writing and opening up and last night had our 3rd date.

He held my hands gently over the car's console while I told him some of my history. His eyes were kind. "You were scared of me," he says, suddenly understanding my skittishness. I nodded. "You ran away for 3 weeks and I didn't see you."

We were quiet a moment while he stroked the top of my hand with a single fingertip. "and you are going to run away again after tonight."

I hung my head. "You can tell?"

"I can tell."


  1. Not necessarily something you need to hang your head about.
    And whether or not he accepts and understands it and supports you tells you a lot about him...

  2. We do things for a reason. Our ideal partner understands and accepts.

  3. Yes, yes. That.

    He's been very supportive.

    I'm thinking of a friend with an absolutely terrible love life, it's like whoever they are attracted to is utterly toxic. I feel like saying "whoever you want is going to be bad for you!"

    But thinking of it this way makes me unsure if I should just keep turning people away when I'm skittish. They have other really great qualities. I'll continue to get to know them slowly and see. (But slowly! Why everyone wanna be rushing??!)

  4. "...other great qualities..." implies they are missing qualities you are looking for. Part of dating is finding out if they have those qualities you are looking for.
    Remember, alone doesn't mean bad, lonely does. You don't settle on a pair of shoes or a dress, why settle on a potential mate.